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[Jan. 3rd, 2005|07:34 pm] |
so this morning i was 129 flat. so i was pretty happy. anyhow, i was at the mall and my hands started shaky and my legs got wobbly. so i had a salad. still no change. and i started to get really pale. (advice?...please, besides what i did) so i get home and have a pb and jelly sandwich. and take two advil. well, now i'm pissed i gave in, but i've finally stopped shaking. then dinner, so i'm fucked. starting fast 2morrow. jeez, i suck.
<3 sarah |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 2nd, 2005|05:36 pm] |
129.5
slowly on my way to perfection |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 1st, 2005|10:36 am] |
I'm stuck on this plateau. 130.5..sure its a low weight for the past month, but i'm still a cow. jeez. 2day, i pretty much already fucked up. probably 400-500 calories. well, i wont be eating anymore today. eh. hope anyone who reads this is doing better than me.
<3 sarah |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 28th, 2004|09:07 am] |
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I WEIGH 131. YES. MAYBE 2MORROW I'LL FINALLY BE BACK INTO THE 20'S. YES! |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 25th, 2004|02:22 pm] |
ok guys..i just watched four episodes of the OC and i think Mischa Barton def. has some sort of an ED. i mean in the first episodes her boobs are kinda big, but now they are tiny. but she has awesome collar bones all the time though. wow, i think i'm in love. LOL.
anyhow~i want to try and have like a competetion type of thing. here's my idea. until jan 1. everyone try to loose as much as possible. fast/restrict/ or whatever you want to do. starting dec. 26, at 12:00 AM. then on new years day everyone post their results of how much they lost on here. I'll keep updating on here if at least 3 or 4 ppl do it. I'm doing it no matter what. Let me know what you think!
<3 sarah |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 13th, 2004|06:59 pm] |
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i've been gone for awhile now. I thought i was ready to overcome all this. but i wasnt. and i'm completely disgusted w/myself. i hadnt weighed myself for a few weeks. and i'm at 137. I WANT TO FUCKIN DIE. plz plz plz i need all the support i can get. i need a fasting/restricting buddy asap. I need to dissappear.. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 28th, 2004|08:59 am] |
Dear Ana,
I am worthless. You have offered me everything I could ever want, and I have failed you. I have let my weaknesses overpower you. I have turned to Mia for hope when you were the only who could save me. Ana, forgive me. Let me start over now. You are all I need and I will make you proud. I will stay strong for you. I will let you see my bones and I will worship you. Ana, make me pure again. Amen. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 25th, 2004|03:09 pm] |
wow..i hate thanksgiving.
all i have done 2day is ate and then puked it back up. eh. my toothbrush is actually eroding away i noticed today after i puked. too much stomach acid. i guess i'll need a new one.
<3 sarah <3 |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 23rd, 2004|03:25 pm] |
i think i finally got my groove back. maybe i'll finally start dropping.
anyhow~today my momma got me mcdonalds for breakfast and i took it to school and gave it away. also, we had cookies for sale at school and i ALWAYS get them and 2day i didnt. now we are gettin domino's pizza for dinner. how would i manage to throw it away? or do u flush it down the toilet? well, i kno i'm not eating it. nothing can stop me!
today- nothing: 0 cals.
workout: swim practice: 300 cals. burned
run/ one mile: 100 cals. burned.
so i'm at negative 400. not too shabby.
oo yea, i have the perfect plan for thanksgiving!! i'm gonna just eat a ton of salad with no dressing and just move the food around on my plate. maybe a few bites, but mite just spit them into a cup of milk. it's gonna work! who wants to join me??
love yas
<3 sarah <3 |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 22nd, 2004|06:04 pm] |
i'm so dumb. but i got laid. and that made me very very happy. too happy cuz then i decieded it was ok to eat. i feel like my ed is all i have, but i feel like i need to give it up for swimming. i went to swim practice this morning and i could barely move. i dunno if it's from too much food? prolly. i'm starting a fast 2nite after our "family" dinner. uh.. i wish i didn't love food. i gotta work a lil harder.
<3 sarah <3 |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 16th, 2004|06:10 pm] |
alrite~
fast started at 5:30 PM
going for 48 hrs. settin a goal.
i will make it and i wont binge.
<3 sarah <3 |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 13th, 2004|09:47 pm] |
I weigh 133. wat the hell. like a month ago i weighed 122. i wanna be 122 again. and i will get there.
started fast at 6:00.
i have to make it. lately i've just kept going up in weight. and it stops now. from now on every pound i gain, i will recut my cross on my hip. or make a new cut. its time to reach my goals. no more binging. none.
<3 sarah <3 |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 13th, 2004|03:45 pm] |
its so funny how i've attempted to try and eat healthy. i still count the hours i since i last ate. i count every single calorie. even wen i drink. it's too late now to try to be normal again. lol.
dunno wen i'm starting a new fast. possibly just restricting for now. who knows anymore?
<3sarah<3 |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 10th, 2004|06:54 pm] |
god wat the hell
i'm fat and ugly. even my parents think so now.
started a water, diet soda, gum fast. lasting until i look decent.
fuck everything.
<3 sarah <3 |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 8th, 2004|06:11 pm] |
2day was surprisingly good.
cals:
diet pepsi- 0 cals.
gum/ 3pieces- 15 cals.
mint-5 cals.
diet mt.dew- 0 cals.
exercise:
machines: 220 cals. burned
220-20= negative 200. sounds good. lol. not really.
so i bought a calorie-free energy drink for 2morrow morning after swim practice. i bet it tastes like shit. o well.
ew, 2day my friend was sittin at lunch eating this pizza and fritos w/ranch dressing. i almost puked. could u imagine the calories. i was seriously gagging. eh..
<3 sarah <3 |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 7th, 2004|08:18 pm] |
2day i had to eat dinner.
and i cried afterwords. cried. sat in tears. i cant take it anymore. i will be skinny and beautiful. i will make it there, and i dont care if i die. i want it so bad.
started fast at 5:30. i hope i never eat again.
short term goal- 122 by friday...its the least i can do for now
<3 sarah <3 |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 7th, 2004|12:46 pm] |
starting a fast at 6,7,8 or 9 tonite, just depends. planning on going at least 3-4 days if not all week. i wanna get this disgusting fat off of my nasty body. i hate myself.
save me ana
<3 sarah <3 |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 4th, 2004|04:31 pm] |
where the hell has my motivation gone to?
thinspiration plzzzzzz
<3 sarah <3 |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 2nd, 2004|08:12 pm] |
god i fuckin hate myself..ahh so much
39 hours. and wat do i do? i fucking binge. it wasnt even bad at first. then a dumb bitch told me some bullshit and got me all depressed. oreos..damnit. i hate my stupid comfort oreos.
anyway purged.
started a fast at 6:30. goin at least 48 hrs. aiming for 72 tho.
i will do this damnit. i'm so fuckin motivated.
<3 sarah <3 |
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burn_it_away's journal